D-MER: When Breastfeeding Triggers Unexpected Emotions—and What You Can Do About It

“Every time my milk lets down, I feel… awful. Anxious. Sad. Even angry.”

If you’ve ever had a wave of emotion hit you out of nowhere during breastfeeding—one that doesn’t feel like love or calm or connection—you’re not imagining it. You might be experiencing something called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, or D-MER. And while it’s not widely talked about, it’s real, it’s physical, and you’re definitely not alone.

What Is D-MER and Why Does It Happen?

D-MER is a reflex—a sudden emotional shift that happens just before or during letdown. It’s not about how you feel about breastfeeding or your baby. This is not postpartum depression or anxiety (though those can absolutely happen too). It’s a short, intense wave of negative emotions—like dread, irritability, sadness, or anxiety—that hits right as your milk begins to flow.

The cause? A rapid drop in dopamine, a brain chemical responsible for feeling pleasure and motivation. In order for prolactin (the hormone that makes milk) to rise, dopamine has to fall—and for some people, that drop is steep enough to trigger a strong emotional reaction.

This isn’t something you can control, and it’s definitely not something you caused. D-MER is a physiological response, not a psychological one. And understanding that can be a huge first step toward feeling better.

What Can You Do About It?

The first and most important thing? Name it. Just knowing that D-MER exists can take so much of the fear and shame away. You’re not broken. You’re not a bad mom. You’re having a reflex your body didn’t ask permission to create—and now that you know what it is, you can start figuring out what helps.

Talking to the right people matters, too. Many OBs and pediatricians aren’t trained to recognize D-MER, so they may dismiss it or confuse it with postpartum depression. But IBCLCs (like me!) understand what’s going on hormonally and can help you figure out next steps. You can also find support and resources at D-MER.org, including a Facebook group filled with other parents who get it.

Small Shifts That Can Make a Big Difference

Managing D-MER often means paying attention to how your body and brain are doing overall. Some people find relief by making gentle changes to their routine—getting more rest (when possible), staying well-fed and hydrated, and even changing feeding positions. Side-lying nursing, for example, can help you stay more relaxed and grounded during letdown.

Reducing caffeine and other stimulants may help stabilize mood fluctuations, and for some, using natural dopamine supports (like supplements, sunlight, or gentle exercise) can provide subtle but noticeable improvements. In more severe cases, medication can be helpful—and yes, there are options that are safe while breastfeeding.

This isn’t about fixing everything at once. It’s about giving yourself permission to explore what makes you feel more balanced and supported.

You Don’t Have to Push Through This Alone

Just because D-MER isn’t widely known doesn’t mean it’s not valid. And you don’t have to just grit your teeth and get through it.

We’re told that breastfeeding is supposed to feel magical and bonding—and for some, it does. But for others, those feelings get overshadowed by this invisible wave of dread that shows up again and again. That can be so confusing and isolating if no one has told you it’s even a thing.

So let me say it again: you’re not imagining this. You’re not doing anything wrong. And you deserve support, not shame.

Let’s Talk About What You’re Feeling

If you’re reading this and thinking, this is me, please reach out. You don’t have to navigate D-MER on your own.

💛 Book a virtual consult and let’s talk about what’s coming up for you. Together we can explore what’s going on hormonally, emotionally, and physically—and build a plan that actually supports you.

Click here to check if your consult is covered by insurance and schedule a time that works for you.

You deserve to feel steady, seen, and supported—especially during something as vulnerable as breastfeeding. Let’s take this one step at a time.