Finding Your Village in Motherhood

Hello all! Tayler here—guest blogging for Amey as a friend and mother of two. With a 14-year-old and a 3-year-old, I’ve experienced firsthand how motherhood evolves, and with it, the idea of the village.

We hear this phrase all the time—"It takes a village to raise a child." But what does that even mean in today’s world? The traditional idea of a built-in support system, where family and neighbors pitch in without hesitation, isn’t as common anymore. Many of us are parenting far from relatives, balancing demanding schedules, and navigating friendships in a digital age where deep connections can feel harder to come by. The truth is, finding your village isn’t something that just happens—it takes effort, intention, and a willingness to put yourself out there. But once you build that support system, motherhood becomes so much lighter, and the challenges feel less overwhelming.

Step 1: Define What You Need

Before you go searching for your people, take a moment to figure out what you’re actually looking for. Motherhood isn’t one-size-fits-all, and neither is your village. Do you need someone to swap childcare with? A friend to text when you’re feeling overwhelmed? People to join you on outings with or without the kids? Support comes in many forms, and getting clear on what you actually need will help you find the right people. If you don’t take the time to define what support looks like for you, you might end up frustrated, expecting people to show up in ways they don’t even know you need. When you’re clear about what you’re looking for, it also becomes easier to communicate your needs and recognize the right people when they come into your life.

For me, my village has looked different in each season of motherhood. When my oldest was little, I needed moms who understood sleepless nights and long days. Now, as a mom to a teen and a toddler, I need a mix of emotional support, friends who can relate to the teenage years, and, let’s be honest, someone to remind me I’m doing okay. There was a time when I thought I had to do it all on my own, but I’ve learned that motherhood isn’t meant to be a solo journey. It’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to ask for it.

Step 2: Take Inventory of What You Already Have

Sometimes, we overlook the support that’s already around us. Your village doesn’t always have to be built from scratch. Look at the people and resources already in your life—family, friends, neighbors, community spaces, or even online groups. Maybe there’s a library storytime where you can meet other parents. Maybe a faith community offers gatherings for moms. Maybe there’s a friend who’s always offering to help but you’ve never actually taken them up on it. We don’t always have to go searching far and wide—sometimes, we just have to lean into what’s already available.

It’s easy to think that if we don’t have the perfect support system, we have nothing. But sometimes, the foundation of your village is already there—you just have to recognize it. Maybe your neighbor is happy to watch your child for an hour while you run an errand, or an acquaintance from work is also looking for a mom friend. The people who can be part of your village might already be in your life, waiting for a connection to be made.

Step 3: Give, Not Just Take

Here’s the thing about a village—it only works when there’s give and take. If you only receive support without ever offering it, those connections won’t last. That doesn’t mean you have to drain yourself pouring into others constantly, but think about small ways you can contribute. Maybe it’s offering to pick up a friend’s kid when they’re in a bind, bringing an extra coffee to a playdate, or simply sending a supportive text. Building a strong village isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about the little things—the I see you moments that remind us we’re not alone.

When you contribute to your village, you also create deeper, more meaningful relationships. People are more likely to show up for you when they feel seen, appreciated, and valued in return. It doesn’t have to be an even exchange every time, but the best support systems are built on mutual care and kindness.

Your Village Will Change—And That’s Okay

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that your village will shift over time. The people who were there in the newborn phase might not be the same ones you rely on when your kids are older. And that’s normal. The key is to stay open to new connections, to reach out when you need support, and to be the kind of friend you’d want in your own village. Sometimes, friendships fade, and new ones take their place. That doesn’t mean your past village wasn’t valuable—it just means you’re growing, and your needs are evolving.

Don’t be afraid to let go of relationships that no longer serve you or seek out new ones when life changes. Motherhood isn’t meant to be done alone. So if you don’t have your village yet, start small. Reach out. Ask for help. Offer help. The right people will find you.

Do you have a village? How did you find yours? Let’s talk in the comments—I’d love to hear your story. ❤️